sanctity of life

This entry is very close to my heart and so I hope that I can convey my thoughts here.

In February I started doing some volunteer work every Monday in this orphanage. It is the only one that the government will let foreigners in to (so clearly it is the best one) and it was okay. It was clean, but old and so it looked dirty. When I initially began they were not even that happy to see me. The lady in charge was kind of looking at me like I was just more work for her because she'd have to copy my passport and do some paperwork to let me in. When you think they would take all the help they could get. Then I chose the young kids room. It was full of babies just under or around a year. Just like my Gracey. There were probably 20 kids in this room the size of my living room/front entry. All the babies were in bouncers or in walkers. This room had their beds, a small play area with very few toys and that's it. It looked a bit too much like bumper cars with the walkers just continually hitting into each other. Most of these kids had something wrong with them. There were several with hare lips and I was wiping others faces and necks and noticed scars where they had surgery - like heart, lung, etc... The chinese only get one child and so if that child has something wrong (even like a crooked nose or big ears) with them then they want to try for a different one. All of these children had been left somewhere or found and no parents had claimed them.

I went over immediately to the one's in the bouncers. I think I was drawn there because my baby is 8 months and I felt they looked a little more like her size. First off you have no idea if they are boys or girls. They are all dressed the same in several layers and colors does not distinguish the gender. I have had so many people ask me if Grace is a girl or a boy and I feel like saying "seriously you can't tell with her pink striped coat and pink blanket?" But you'll see a boy with a purple helmet and pink bike riding around. You can not tell gender on babies (or adults) by their clothes!! So I really was clueless as to anyone's gender. I went over and started rubbing cheeks and hands and tried to give them as much touch and stimulation as possible. My heart truthfully was breaking and I was really struggling to keep it together. The tears would not stop pouring down my face. It was so hard to see these bright eyes and know that they would never be loved like my baby is loved, and not have the opportunities that we have. I picked up a baby and tried to plow through the tears but I couldn't stop for a long time and my heart was about to burst. Oh, they were so cute!! Many were getting teeth like my baby just got her first two, and still I get choked up just writing about it. There were several with hare lips, but one that kept laughing and laughing and so I could see the roof of her mouth...it broke my heart. She cried when I put her down and it was so hard to put her down...but I wanted to get to all the kids before I left.

There are only certain hours that you can be there and I think it's mostly feeding times. So I was able to feed the babies. They brought out these bowls of rice mush with some green veggie in it, some egg (I'm guessing) and a little meat of some type. They truthfully were the most disgusting looking food I had ever seen. But I'm sure they were nutritious!! They kids were happy to eat and they would hold open their mouth so I could feed them. The people who worked there would lay them on their laps and basically pour the food down their throats. It was basically upside down from how I feed my baby, but it got the job done much faster and there were a lot of mouths to feed. I didn't care what they thought and I fed them the way I would my own kids. The child I was feeding was starting to smile after a while and I would tickle his tummy and he would laugh. Then after each bite he would lift up his sweatshirt and so I would tickle him. He was so cute!!! You could see other ones wanting to get in the action and have fun, and I did for as long as I could, but then we had to leave. The volunteer hours are very short - only two hours. I fed the kids while they were in their walkers. I'm sure they have very little time outside those walkers.

There was no great event that happened while I was there but the feelings I have felt have been so close to me since I've left. I even think about it at times and it makes me cry and I am not a person that cries! It was the first time I had cried since I've been in China. But the value on life is just not that high here. There used to be a sign by this bridge not far from my house that said basically "no girl babies can be thrown over the bridge". People would literally throw their babies over hoping for a boy next time. There has been improvements over the years and now they do more foster care, etc... but still. Coleman was talking with his chinese tutor and she was saying how people will have thier babies put down after they are born if they aren't exactly what they want. Then she added, but it's not that common...maybe 10%!! Ten percent!! That's like the population of the midwest (I really don't know, but it's high). The government turns a blind eye to that and people are not punished. I was talking with a friend of mine and she was talking about how common place it was for women to take a "medical leave" and be gone for a few days and then come back just fine. They go to get an abortion. The sanctity of life is just not high here and it truthfully breaks my heart. You also see it with women and their bodies. It is not uncommon during a business transaction at some establishments for the host to get the visitor a girl, just for a little while. It's just not a big deal for someone to sell their body for money, although divorce is lower than in the U.S. and people are very family centered. Morals are just not high here - but focus on money is.

The buildings in general are very cold. (Especially in Shanghai because it is considered warmer weather and so they don't heat the buildings, but in Beijing they heat the buildings because it is considered colder - whatever.) I went to this indoor market the other day and wore a light jacket and was freezing in the market (this was the first of March). I put Adam back in the car with Hans (my driver) while I grabbed a few things because he was so cold. Now I know why the chinese are always dressed in many layers and very warm. I thought as it got warmer they would do that less, but it's still freeking cold inside even if it's warm outside, and this orphanage was the same. There is no central heating. You don't really understand what that means until you are without it for a significant period of time. Even me here I still forget because I am always warm and I've started wearing short sleeve shirts and very light jackets. I have to remember to dress warmer when I go to the orphanage.

I feel so grateful for the lifestyle that I have always taken for granted. I am warm when I want to be warm and cold when I want to be cold - even here. (It's also nice we are not paying for our utilities, because I keep every room warm. Each room has its own thermostat.) But I have so much to be grateful for. I have started taking Ellie (9 years) and James (7) with me to the orphanage. They are a little young and I kind of sneak them in, but they love it. The food really grossed Ellie out but James is great at feeding the kids and they love to play with them. It really does my heart good to see them with the kids and the orphanage is always one of the highlights of my week.

There is a very weird generation being raised right now. Everyone is an only child and very spoiled by grandparents who move in and basically raise them while their parents are working. Grandparents have always been a very big part of a chinese family but now they only have one grandchild and so they give them everything they want and the kids have no siblings to force them to share or learn, give and take, and no one is raising their own children. There are more boys than girls and they are so used to getting what they want so many don't want to marry until later and are more self centered. 

Chinese children are also pushed so hard because the parents want them to succeed so they will be wealthy and can support them in their old age. (FYI The boy and his wife always takes care of his parents, even if the girls parents are sick or need help - it is a girls responsibility to take care of her husbands parents first and maybe only them.) It is not uncommon for chinese children to go to school 7 days a week. They do their regular schooling Monday-Friday and then have tutors and classes on the weekend to make them exceptional - but everyone does this - so the bar has been raised way too high for very young (grade school) ages. My drivers' son (who is 7) goes to a school on Monday morning and then the parents can't visit him or see him until Friday afternoon. Then he has a tutor Friday night and other lessons in the weekend. This starts when he is 4 or 5 and goes until he is 8 or 9. Then when he's a little older he can come home at night, but the intensity of academics keeps rising. Wow, talk about competition and pressure.

Sorry this post has some random thoughts - I hope it makes sense to someone else besides just me!